You've been in and out of relationships, fell in love here and there. Maybe you never really fell in love yet. Let's identify the 5 major red flags that the reason you're still together is because of co dependance and not true love. Are you ready? Let's get right into it.
Red Flag #1:
They annoy you to the point where you are not truly interested in hearing about how their day went. You force yourself to listen for a bit to avoid hurting their feelings.
If it's true love, you like many aspects of their personality. They make you laugh, you have certain core values in common and you feel comfortable when you hang out together.
Red Flag #2:
You have unresolved resentment towards them over some way that they betrayed your trust in the past. It's something that you have not truly let go and it's an issue that comes up over and over again. Maybe the reason you haven't let go has nothing to do with them but to do with how you feel about yourself.
Red Flag #3:
You struggle with feeling worthy and haven't set your standards for the relationship. Do you feel you let a lot of things slide because you don't want to hurt their feelings. What about your feelings and giving you the respect you deserve?
i.e. If you have been loyal to your relationship but the other side feels they can break things off and come back to you whenever they feel like it, then that is a standard that needs to be set. We only have one life and in it we hope to find true love one day right? Don't waste time not setting this standard. You are important. Remember they will only continue to do this if you keep taking them back without having to work for it every time. Put them in a position to really think about who you are as a person and what they value about you. Let them know that you're not about being in a relationship fueled by neediness but real love. Standing up for your values shows the other party that you value yourself. When you stand up for yourself as a person, it shows the other party that you believe that you're worthy. If they resent that, it's because they're beginning to realize that they can't manipulate you. Your life is not a game and good on you for standing up for your values.
Red Flag #4
Trust is an on and off struggle based on something that happened years ago. It's something that you've sat down and spoke about in depth and resolved with mutual forgiveness. Now if that same issue is still coming up that is a sure sign that they do not trust you. Love can't grow without trust. Maybe the other party accepted this and without any discussion decided that a needy relationship will do. Is that your standard? Unions like this always end. Stand up for yourself as long as you have been true. Don't you want to be in a relationship where there is mutual love? Don't settle for needieness and think it will turn into something more meaningful because it never does. Or you can just ride the wave, and have fun. Maybe you like to give a few chances but please do set a limit. 3 strikes - they're out!
Red Flag #5:
Someone dates you knowing that they can get away with being manipulative. Sign: You haven't seen their ID and it's been several months of dating. By the two - three month mark the red flags begin to appear. Take note of this. This is what they do. They apologize but it will happen again. Don't fall for the "we're not in a relationship" but "we can still be intimate" deal. Is that your standard for someone you love or just need? If you decide to - proceed with caution. Because they can't help but be manipulative the easiest way to end this kind of relationship is the leave without notice. Block - Change your phone number - Total and utter non contact.
I won't call this Red Flag #6 because at the end of the day what you accept in your relationship boils down to whether you value and love yourself.
Core values of someone with a strong sense of self love:
-You respect yourself and treat your love with respect
-You never use manipulation to get what you want and expect the same
-If you have a standard to be transparent in your relationship - there is a fine line between this and being needy. Do the right thing.
i.e. Someone hits on you while you're out running errands.
They give you the eyes, and smile and ask how you are and for your number. You don't have to be rude but say thank you but I'm in a committed relationship and walk away. In a healthy relationship you can go home and tell your person this happened and they react by taking it as a compliment. You can make it a sweet moment by telling them that you couldn't imagine being with anyone else and show some looovve. But if you go home and tell your person, they get upset and ask why did you say anything back to them. bla bla bla and a big eye roll lol. That's a red flag right there of lack of trust in a relationship that might be considered as uh toxic. Decide if the standard for your relationship is where "insecurity" fuels your arguments.
So Refine your Journey by setting your standards for "Love" in a relationship. Steer clear of co-dependant needy relationships. Fight for happiness and choose to be in a relationship that fulfills you instead of taking from you. Time is precious.
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